The wonderful ones who said yes

The first night, we shared our goals, goals some of us (like me) had been chasing for years. One wanted to find a way to travel for a year with her family. Another wanted to start a homemade chili ministry. Another wanted to take an instrument she’d been given, a lap dulcimer, out of the closet and learn to play it. Another, like me, was a writer looking for accountability.

We each figured out some next step, some one thing we could do to get started, and committed to do it in the coming week. We figured even if the step was tiny (“just open the closet door and LOOK at the dulcimer”) it was more progress than we’d been able to make on our own. 

At the second meeting, we poured through the door full of news about our steps. Abbie had phoned one piano teacher. Barb had floated the idea of a sabbatical to her husband. Linda had, in fact, peeked at the dulcimer (and then closed the door again). These tiny triumphs made us smile, and we realized how fun it was to have other people celebrate with us when we made progress. We chose new steps for the next week, and kept going.

Over the next couple of months we watched in delight as each one of us come unstuck. Deb drafted a sermon she always had in her. Katherine talked to her family about chili, and played around with labels. Barb researched sabbaticals overseas. I journaled about my writer’s block.

When a teammate had a rough week and didn’t get anything done – we were all taking these steps right in the middle of our busy lives, after all – she turned up anyway. Part of this was because we had committed to be there for each other, but I also think we were just eager to hear everyone else’s news. We found it hilarious that most of us took our promised steps half an hour before our weekly meeting – that is amazing power of accountability (read more in chapter 10: The Buddy System).

We learned how to rely on each others’ gifts. When we hit a practical or emotional snag, we had Kim’s enthusiasm, Janice’s incisive reasoning, Deb’s humor, Linda’s warmth.

The Sunday Deb got up and bravely delivered her sermon, we were all in the first pew. When she finished and walked back to us, I remember looking around, and seeing my fellow parishioners with different eyes. What beautiful dreams were all around me?

This inspired me to launch a second team, with a new bundle of friends.  This time, instead of starting with goals, we started with open-ended questions. “What are my hopes and dreams?” “Is there anything really important I want to get done in the next few years?” “Who inspires me, and why?” we tried to listen deeply to each other, looking for clues in a teammate’s body language, or the ideas they kept returning to over and over. 

One of the questions, “What is a cause you could really get behind?” opened up a door inside our teammate Jackie. A victim of abuse as a kid, she had long followed the worldwide crisis of human trafficking. But to do something about it? She was daunted. She had no college diploma, no credentials, no contacts. But instead of focussing on what she didn’t have, the team had her look at what she did have. She was a professional photographer. Her husband was a pilot for Delta. And most importantly, her compassion for the victims of trafficking came straight from her own experience. Jackie made her goal to fly to India to visit Made by Survivors, a group that rescued girls from brothels – and come home to Maine  and share the girls’ story.

Another woman on the team, Frances, was inspired by the question, “Is there anything important you really want to get done?” Frances was haunted by a plastic tub of bills and tax returns that she called her Paperwork Dragon. (She kept it smack in the middle of her living room floor figuring if she tripped over it enough times she would eventually do something about it!) The stress of the unknown had been eating away at her for years, and she knew her Wayfinders goal would be to tackle that box.

One night she compared herself to Jackie. “Good grief, Jackie is over there taking on human trafficking, and I’m just struggling to get through my mail!” Even though she was joking, we could see that she felt badly.

While I struggled for the right words, our teammate Emily piped up. “Frances, this dragon is ruining your life. You can’t pursue your dreams before you slay that dragon.” 

I’m forever grateful for Emily’s wisdom: that while our beautiful dreams are important, they aren’t everything. There are times when we need to slay a dragon, or to take care of something very down-to-earth.

I’m happy to report that paper by paper, bill by bill, Frances eventually got down to the bottom of  her box (when I talk about Micro-movements in  Chapter  8 you’ll read how). Jackie flew off to India. And after 8 years of butting my head against a wall, I finished my book (yes, it took me two teams!). 

What our world can Look like

For the next 14  years, and with 47 teams , I would catch  glimpses of what our world can look like when ordinary people were encouraged to ask big questions, given some deep listening, asked to tell their stories, helped to identify their genuine gifts, allowed to dream big,  and then supported them as they did those things.

It looked like Lisa, a massage therapist starting a ministry to share that healing gift of touch with people who can’t afford it…

… and it also looked like Danielle, bravely parting with her beloved late husband’s clothing.

It looks like a teenager Bryanna inspiring a whole town to get together once a year to do kind deeds for each other.…..

…..and it also looks like Frances working her way through  her Paperwork Dragon, Connie balancing her checkbook for the first time, and Loren, a hardworking clergy spouse finally spending some money on herself to experience pure joy – in her case by strapping herself into a pilot’s seat.

Does any of this resonate with you?  Are you struggling with your own dragon? Do you have gifts you long to use? Could you use some support to get hard things done?

That’s why I wrote this book, to share the stories that can reach you better than any sermon I could preach, and to lay out the structure for any of you who might be inspired to join a team I’m leading, or perhaps to give it a try with your own friends. It’s a structure that really works, not just for the strong, the rich, and the energetic, but for people who are up to their ears in work, don’t have a lot of money, who may not think they are particularly gifted, and who have a hard time getting new, scary things done (i.e. pretty much all of us).”